Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
