Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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