marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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