Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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