so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
