so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
