I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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