roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize