she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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