There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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