i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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