Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize