and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
