I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
