Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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