His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
