Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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