wakey wakey hands off snakey
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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