So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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