She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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