nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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