I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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