im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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