he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
