The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
