remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
