You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
