I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
