I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
