; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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