remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
