Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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