Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
