white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
