***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
