I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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