i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
