he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Everything about him screamed your future.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
