Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
