the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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