I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
