I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
