I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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