I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
