How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
