apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
