You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize