I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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