I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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