She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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