you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
