So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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