I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
