please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
