I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
