I have demons in me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
