bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
