If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
