Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
