everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
